Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

More Products My Kids Don’t Need

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Fellow preschoolers, I am here to make your jobs much easier.

You know how it can take some time to gauge your parents’ moods? We all know how difficult it can be to find the right time for intransigence, to maximize the inconvenience and frustration. Well, guess no more.

I have here a fabulous new product that can tell you in an instant whether the time is ripe for a good, old-fashioned, “NO!” when Mommy asks you to stop bothering the baby, or whether doing so will only slightly annoy her. Since you want the most bang for your pluck, all you need to do is consult your handy-dandy AbhorRent – and you can find the ideal moment to agitate the ‘rents!

Just one glance at your AbhorRent will tell you whether to wait a little while before unraveling all the dental floss, or whether now is the time to act; whether merely to refuse to pick up the clean laundry you’ve dumped everywhere, or whether you also need to strew it about the room and trample it; when to look straight into Daddy’s eye and flick an unwanted piece of dinner onto the floor. With your new AbhorRent, it all becomes clear, and you can save valuable minutes looking for new and exciting ways to drive Mommy and Daddy to drink! You haven’t felt this much power since every shout of “peepee!” sent your parents scurrying madly about the house!

No longer do you need to expend precious energy yelling and singing at the top of your lungs all the time – now you can pinpoint the stretches of time in which the crescendo will have its maximum effect. No more pretending to grab whatever Daddy’s working with, without knowing whether it will aggravate him. No more slapping the keyboard when Mommy is away from the computer, without knowing that your actions will definitely ruin her unsaved work.

You can have this valuable piece of equipment in exchange for no more than the next four weeks’ junky snacks – and you won’t be getting those anyway once you start to use your AbhorRent. Just think: at your mucus-encrusted fingertips you can have all the information you need about what effect your course of action will have on your parents. And it can be yours for less trouble than emptying Mommy’s purse down the toilet!

So act out now! Supplies are limited – get your AbhorRent while they last – and get to your ‘rents while it’s this easy!

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Written by Thag

December 19, 2010 at 5:13 pm

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