Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

The Three Little Kittens Probably Did It on Purpose

with 2 comments

The Toddler Principles of Mitten Use

1. I am dimly aware that my thumb plays a role in the process, but am as yet incapable of aligning that thumb with the thumb compartment. Either that, or I mastered the required level of digital dexterity and am just messing with you.

2. You will regret not clipping the mittens to my coat sleeve. Are you trying to lose these things?

3. The number of times I will remove the mittens and cry that my hands are cold is inversely proportionate to your patience.

4. I am perfectly capable of disproving your contention that mittens only disappear one at a time.

5. You are fooling yourself if you think that I cannot remove mittens that have no separate thumb.

6. Because washing mittens is inconvenient at best and outright destructive at worst, I will make sure to wipe my runny nose on the mittens as frequently and messily as possible.

7. The compromised manual dexterity that mittens cause will in no way prevent me from demanding foodstuffs that necessitate full finger use, such as pretzel sticks or Cheerios.

8. The odds of my removing and dropping at least one mitten increase in proportion to the wetness of the ground.

9. If you do wise up enough to attach the mittens to my coat sleeve with clips, if you then make the mistake of trying to do so while I am wearing the coat, I will move around as much as possible, and might throw a tantrum.

10. Despite all your precautions and efforts, at least one mitten will disappear by the time winter ends.

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Written by Thag

December 17, 2010 at 11:20 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , , ,

2 Responses

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  1. Haha! …and once again truth finds it’s way onto the written page.

    You’re grounded until you’re three if this was my daughter under a pseudonym.

    Main Haznot

    December 17, 2010 at 11:43 am

    • It’s really, really, hard to type with mittens on, even for a grown-up.

      Thag

      December 17, 2010 at 12:09 pm


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