Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

The World’s Grossest Way to Melt Cheese

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I might have a tendency to pass out and have convulsions when I try to give blood, but I am not particularly squeamish in non-phlebotomy situations. Hey, I’m a four-time parent; I’ve gotten soiled by puke, poop, snot, pee and various unholy combinations of foodstuffs. It takes more than mere grossness to get to me.

Nevertheless, just yesterday a colleague with misguided enthusiasm wished to share with me what he apparently sincerely thought was a good thing. I shall reproduce the recipe as shown to me. Make of it what you will, but if you ever try to make it or consume it, please, don’t ever come near this blog again.

You will need:

1 mug
2 cups boiling water
1 slice of your favorite cheese

Place cheese in mug. Pour boiling water into mug; let sit until cheese is melted. Empty mug of water. Eat goopy cheese with implement of your choice.

He excitedly demonstrated this to me, causing me to shudder and my stomach to lurch. Even now I get intermittent spasms recalling it. For some reason, this fellow (a) finds this repulsive thing appetizing and (b) thought I would find it both appetizing and cool. I cannot begin to express how little trust I have in this person’s judgment right now, let alone aesthetics. And this is from someone supposedly educated. Here you have it, ladies and gentlemen: proof that knowledge alone has no effect whatsoever on a person’s character. Or taste. Ugh.

I don’t mind gross; I was once present at the slaughter of a sheep (owing to my aforementioned aversion to bleeding, I took the precaution of standing behind someone else when the neck was cut), but had no problem observing the vivisection and evisceration of the animal. I found it really cool, like the feeling of discovery that accompanied the experience of dissecting a fetal pig way back when, only without the pressure of academic achievement. Also, it was amusing to watch the knife-wielding guy engage in intellectual discussions with the other people present as he stretched out the sheep’s intestines and used his fingers to squeeze poop pellets out the end.

I also have no fear of weird animal parts as food. I have eaten spinal cord, sweet breads, spleen, whatever’s being served, no problem; sometimes I actively order it. But this cheese thing is just beyond the pale.

My stomach is still protesting at the thought. Yuck.

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Written by Thag

December 14, 2010 at 8:47 pm

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