Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Get Off Your Fatty Acid and Get Some Exercise!

with 2 comments

I am not one to rush to judgment, no matter what all you whiners might think. Nevertheless, I am about to wax judgmental. Please try not to take it personally, unless that motivates you to improve yourself. You’re welcome.

I try very hard to give people credit, allowing that circumstances beyond their control often make it impossible to do what I consider wisest. I concede that many people would make different choices if they had any idea of the long-term consequences. Yet I found myself profoundly annoyed today when I found the entire supermarket aisle blocked by one woman.

Yes, she had a shopping cart, but moving the cart wouldn’t help; she was as wide at the hips, if not wider than, the cart. And while the carts weren’t exactly Price Club size, they still had enough room for more than a hundred dollars’ worth of groceries plus two kids, and that’s without the child seat. So we’re talking a large mass of humanity, all ostensibly controlled by a single brain.

And there she was, piling Doritos into her cart. Yes, they were on sale, but I mean piling. I like Doritos as much as the next person, but I couldn’t bring myself to consider buying even one package after that (we’ll omit discussion, for the moment, of the theoretical nature of my Doritos purchases; Miggtha and I tend not to bring greasy, salty snacks into the house very often).

I could indulge in some wishful thinking and accept that maybe she was stocking up for a party, that she herself wouldn’t touch the stuff. I could also dress up as a woman and claim my name is Denise. Sometimes you have to go with the evidence at hand (my driver’s license does not say Denise). So as guilty as it might make me feel later, right now I am going to rant about this woman, her clearly irresponsible habits and the wider (hah!) epidemic that she represents. Or I’ll just mutter incoherently about something and sign off with a pathetic attempt at wit.

I’ve struggled with my weight, but until recently, only backwards. I never cracked 140 lbs. in high school. I wanted to weigh more, I really did, even working out regularly for a time. It did diddly- squat (and I did much more than squats). About the only thing it got me was a lifelong tendency to misremember which muscles go where, and how to mispronounce them. I am predisposed to be a scrawny dweeb, but no one seemed to notice the dweeb part after about age 15 (my dweebishness must have been scrawny, too). So I admit my perspective on keeping weight off might differ from most of the rest of you. I realize that it might seem hypocritical to denounce a total stranger without ever waddling in her shoes. I appreciate that my body’s reaction to fat differs from others’, and I respect that. I also am dimly aware that some people, through no fault of their own, simply lack the psychological control necessary to stick to a sensible dietary regime.

But none of that will stop me from whaling on this nameless person (I swear that was unintentional, but now that it’s there, I can’t bear to reword it). I am simply agog at such wanton self-destructive behavior (this is why I will never be a psychiatrist). There appears to be a cycle of self-loathing and escape through “comfort food,” a cycle that just feeds on itself. But I just don’t get it. I, too, have embarked on a stricter eating regimen in the last few weeks, a novel experience for me, and yes, I find myself hungry quite often. I accept that and get on with my day. I might fantasize about Pizza Hut or donuts or Ben & Jerry’s, but that’s where it ends. And if I do succumb occasionally, that doesn’t cause me to give up the struggle entirely. It’s a war of attrition, not a single midnight snack commando raid. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, wipe your chin, and redouble your efforts.

For me, the prospect of having to invest in a whole new wardrobe acts as quite a deterrent to sustained gluttony. Are you so wealthy, madam, that you don’t care? If you are, why are you pushing your own cart through the discount supermarket instead of sending Jeeves around town? If you feel compelled to shop at Rodney’s House of Cheap Food and Nail Salon, has it occurred to you that you could save lots of money by buying less crap? I know that’s what made the difference for me most of the last week. I had about two dollars in my wallet, so impulse snack-buying was out. And those caramel-filled donuts did look good.

[Time to adopt a positive tone, Thag]

You can do it, you know. If you eat better, pretty soon you’ll feel better, and maybe even notice an improvement in your health, weight, figure, whatever. You didn’t become a fat slob overnight, you know; losing all that excess won’t happen overnight either, but you can do it!

[Almost had it there, Thag. Easy on the fat slobs. They have delicate sensibilities.]

Ah, to hell with it. You want to eat yourself to death, go right ahead. Just keep to the left, will ya?


Written by Thag

December 9, 2010 at 9:27 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , , ,

2 Responses

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  1. I hope I NEVER piss you off.

    BB Gunn

    December 20, 2010 at 10:56 am

    • Why? I’m a gentle soul.

      Unless I’m very hungry.

      Oh. I see.


      December 20, 2010 at 1:49 pm

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