Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

The Daily Dinner Deliberations Chez Nous

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Good afternoon, madam; good afternoon, gentlemen. Welcome to Thag’s Kitchen. Please have a seat.

I’d give you all menus, but they’re not of much use here. Mostly, you have your choice of whatever Thag can concoct using only the ingredients on hand. I’m here to offer suggestions, of course. Oh, you’ve been here before? Good, good.

We have an assortment of raw grains, including rice, oats, wheat and barley. There’s also corn, but it’s in dried kernel form, so unless you want a popcorn garnish, that won’t be of much help.

As for the meat, we have a good bit of frozen leftover chicken – had we known you were coming, we’d have removed some from the freezer a few hours ago. Alas, that does us no good. Same goes for the chopped meat. Maybe we can try to defrost the meat in the microwave, but we don’t want to risk cooking it accidentally.

We have some carrots and some shriveling cucumbers, and a few small potatoes. Oh, and crackers. Lots of whole wheat crackers. Sorry, we ran out of cheese just the other day – otherwise I’d be able to offer you something to put on pasta, of which we also have a good bit. Want to try it with some reconstituted tomato sauce? Maybe a bit of dried oregano?

Wait – we do have eggs. You can have an omelet, maybe even with interesting bits of cracker thrown in. We have some frozen broccoli, as well, but Thag prefers to save that for special occasions. Oh, it’s your birthday? I’ll ask Thag about it. Would you like it with pasta? Rice? Baked with some egg?

How about some fried potatoes? Fried dough? Corn meal fritters? Crackers with hummus? Work with me here. No, sorry, we only have about four slices of bread – oh, but we do have a whole Ziploc bag of ends and random bread chunks in the freezer. We can mix that with some egg and onion and bake it for you.

We definitely have flour and yeast, but do you really want to wait around for us to make it into proper bread? I suppose we can do pancakes, but we just made those yesterday. And I’d offer French toast, but we don’t have enough bread slices to make a respectable portion. Sorry.

I just remembered we also have some couscous. Does that help you? Well, it might go well with the broccoli, if I can persuade Thag to part with some of it. I can also check to see if we have any cans of tuna – no, just chunk light. We might even have some mayonnaise. I’ll check on that for you. Do you know offhand whether mayonnaise goes bad if it sits in the fridge for seven or eight months between uses? I’ll have to check that, as well.

Aside from that, we have loads and loads of herbs and spices, too many boxes of who knows what kinds of flavored herbal teas, oil, vinegars of various kinds, some corn syrup, margarine, condiments, some spreads, poppy seeds, pretzel sticks and brown sugar. Yeah, that pretty much covers it. Some of the condiments are the little freebie packets you get from fast-food places.

I can offer you a peanut butter sandwich, but remember how little bread we have; first come, first served. Want some sliced cucumber on that? Yes, I’ll have them cut off the shriveled parts first. Alternatively, you can just have some cuke or carrot sticks with a peanut butter dip on the side.

Would you like to hear about dessert now, or after you eat? Splendid. There’s about a cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips, and four or five wheat-free brownies. Oh, they’re quite good nevertheless. Would you like that with some coffee? We have about a teaspoon of instant coffee grounds left in the jar. And all the tea I mentioned. No, sorry, no Chai. Lemon-mint? Yes, very good.

What was that? Oh, of course. Yes, you can have popcorn for dessert. I’ll have to check whether we got the popper fixed, but I believe so.

I’d offer you some milk in the meantime, but we finished it with this morning’s corn flakes. How about some wine? We have plenty. Good, I’ll back shortly. Enjoy the random bits of cracker all over the table from this afternoon’s snack.

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Written by Thag

December 8, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , , ,

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