Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Who Wrote the Book of Thag?

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And it came to pass on the tenth day of the eleventh month in year thirteen of the reign of Thag, that the morning sky did lighten. And Thag’s consort, Miggtha, did arise early from her bed and she did sit before the computer. And Miggtha said unto the computer, “Lo, what tidings have thou for me this morrow?”

And the computer did arise from its slumber, and did bestow upon Miggtha the tidings. For the computer bore the wanton Facebook status changes of Miggtha’s friends, and Miggtha did wade through the slop of random postings, and did cull the vanishingly few of interest.

And it came to pass at slightly after the sixth hour that Miggtha did remind Thag to rouse himself, for the children needed his shepherding, and in case Thag remembered not, Miggtha did plan to attend a meeting and would not be around to serve as shepherdess this morrow. And Miggtha said unto Thag, “Get thee out of thy bed, thou lazy bum.”

And Thag did stir, and rubbed the eye crud from his eyes, and rose from his bed. And he did scratch himself as he lumbered toward the bathroom.

He emerged from the bathroom, and his face did shine, for he had shaved and brushed his teeth, but he did not know that his face did shine until Miggtha did shield her eyes from his countenance and gently reminded him to rinse off the soap. So Thag did return and rinse off the soap.

Thag did lumber to the room where the children sleep, and he sniffed the air at the room entrance, lest the odor of urine assault his senses as the walls of water did collapse upon Egypt as the Israelites walked on. And he did not smell urine this morrow, and his children found favor in his eyes. Thag stood in the doorway of the bedroom and spake, “Thus saith thy father and progenitor: rise now from thy beds and don the vestments of school. Thou shalt wear the short-sleeve vestments, for it be a warm day.” And Thag did depart from the room to don his vestments.

And Miggtha said unto Thag, “Go thou to the room of the children once more, for they have strayed from the path that thou hast commanded them; they have lazed about and not dressed.”

And Thag’s anger flared, and he did march to the room of the children and did rebuke them mightily, saying, “Must I threaten to smite thee? What taketh it to get it through thy skulls that thou must move faster? For by my chocolate, thy skulls be thick.” And Thag did stomp heavily out of the room.

And Miggtha said unto Thag, “Why dost thou adopt such a harsh tone with the children?” for he had adopted a harsh tone with the children.

And Thag said unto Miggtha, “For they do defy my will, and it pleaseth me not.”

When Miggtha saw that Thag became cross with the children, she did give him a look of impatience and disappointment, and did walk to the room of the children and gently prod them to don their vestments. And Thag descended to the kitchen to prepare the morning feast and the snack of the mid-morning and the midday meal for the children. And Thag did mutter unto himself, “Miggtha shall not be pleased to feel compelled to dress the children when on this day she must journey to a meeting;” and it was so.


Written by Thag

November 10, 2010 at 2:53 pm

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