Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Ad Absurdum

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My scientist wife brought to my attention the advertising campaign for a product said to combat aging: a topical cream that “rejuvenates the mitochondria.”

I have many, many mitochondria, as I’m sure you do; it’s been quite the trend among the cool living creatures for a billion years or so. The purveyors of this product would have us believe that as we get old, we lose vigor because, well, our mitochondria slow down. They would further have us attribute the sagging and wrinkling of skin to this supposed phenomenon. They would then have us believe that the product they sell can somehow stop or reverse this unproven phenomenon. Then they would have us believe that the mere topical application of whatever magical active ingredient it contains suffices to deliver said ingredient to all the mitochondria that are just limping along inside us after all these decades.

I am not a biologist, but I do possess a BS detector. You know how metal detectors trigger a beeping sound? My BS detector triggers a laughing sound. The more BS, the more laughter (reading coverage of major political party positions on all sorts of issues can get loud)(also, it’s a good thing I have the sound off on the detector when I blog). This one had the detector going nuts for several minutes. You know those patently contrived “before” and “after” pictures the various dietary, exercise and what-have-you shysters paste on their ads? This one featured a contrast between Droopy Faced Person and her evil nemesis, Wide-Eyed-Smile Freak. Amazingly, the contracted facial muscles of the latter caused the skin to become taut! How’d they do that? Must have been photoshopped!

My wife asked me how many less believable assertions I have ever encountered. A few seconds of thought produced the answer: quite a few. Among them:

– “Read my lips: no new taxes.”
– “My good friends, this is the second time in our history that there has come back from Germany to Downing Street peace with honor. I believe it is peace in our time.”
– “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.”
– “There are no homosexuals in Iran.”
– “I am not a crook.”
– “Do you…take this woman…in sickness and in health, etc. etc. till death do you part?” “I do.”

I am sure you could contribute many more examples; I certainly won’t stop you. In fact my starved ego gets much-needed validation with every non-spam comment (and I’m starting to crave the spam, too. I exist! Look, the spam comments prove it!).

Now if you’ll excuse me, I feel a cold coming on. I have to go take some zinc lozenges.


Written by Thag

October 6, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , ,

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