Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

How About Home Jurisprudence?

leave a comment »

Do they teach home economics anymore?

I ask this not because I wish to rant that no one seems to know how to cook (they cook just fine) or clean (just not in this house). I simply wonder whether the so-called sexism that spawned such classes in the first place has survived anywhere. I do know that when my own high school still offered Home Ec, back in the stone age of the early 1990’s, they restricted it to girls (“women”).

[When my cousin and his good friend took over the editorship of the school newspaper during our senior year they completely revolutionized the thing. One of their classic issues featured a Jeopardy board with the following answer-question: Flour and water make this. What is a fire in the Home Ec room?]

I wonder whether any girls (“women”) retained anything from those lessons. I know I remember diddly squat (also known as bugger-all or sod-all; those Brits sure know how to make a point) from those years, at least in terms of academic knowledge, with minor exceptions [to wit: basic sentence diagramming; a few lines from Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet; the basic plots of several classic literary works; and that one should refrain from directly quoting, with full attribution, an unpopular teacher to make a rhetorical point in a creative writing assignment for an unrelated class].

What I do remember falls under the “experience” category. Much of it actually did find its way into my consciousness during class, but I believe that was incidental:

– Rumors of romantic liaisons between students in and around the school building during school hours tend toward the non-factual.
– Serving as a lunch lady automatically turns a person into a slightly gruff grandmother type. I conjecture that this happens even to young males who take up the occupation.
– The square root of your mother squared is your mother.
– Wearing earphones on a bus near a group of girls (“women”) might lull them into a state of complacency, allowing them to feel free to discuss, er, hygienic matters that a male never wants to overhear, period. If you catch my meaning. (Here’s a good rule: if you can’t hear what’s coming out of my speakers, I can probably hear what’s coming out of your mouth).
– Fire drills tend to occur in nicer weather. If the fire alarm sounds during winter, be afraid.
– Only compact and sub-compact cars will fit through standard institutional double doors.

Oh, they tried to teach us all sorts of things that we didn’t need to know, or knew already (e.g. that high school girls tend not to care whether you call them girls or women; just be genuine about it). Like the why and how of human reproduction. Or that drug abuse is bad.

Maybe that’s what they taught them in Home Ec, then: what happens when you turn on a stove; not to mix certain ingredients; which holes not to sew up in a pair of underwear. Guys discover that stuff on their own as they’re busy burning things down, blowing them up, or pushing them through the school’s main entrance. Be very afraid.

Advertisements

Written by Thag

August 13, 2010 at 12:01 am

You got something to say?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s