Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

We Interrupt this Update

with 2 comments

If by some chance you’ve been in suspended animation since about 1983, you might want to brush up on a few issues so you can regain some semblance of functionality.

To wit: the Walkman is so passé as to qualify as an antique. A cheap, dime-a-dozen antique, but an antique nonetheless. Nowadays we prefer any one of a number of mp3 players, which –

Right. Em-pee-three. Computerized, digital file storage; there’s lots of digital media. No, not finger painting. Digital, you know, as opposed to analog? Digital doesn’t only refer to –

Look, we’re not talking the same language, apparently. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. No, I’m not mocking you; that’s a line from The Princess Bride, a 1988 movie. Yes, I’ll put it aside for you. We have it on both VHS and DVD, so you can  –

DVD. Digital Video Disc. Yes, yes, that word again. It’s a much more efficient way of storing movies, and it doesn’t degrade over time like VHS tape; no, no one uses Beta. Good Lord, what millennium do you inhabit? Hello? Beuller?

Sorry, that was also from a movie, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. 1986, I think. What, you think cinema ended with The Godfather? I got news for you, McFly. There’s a –

McFly. 1985. Back to the Future.

I’m sorry, I really have to exert more self control, be the master of my domain. Pompous? No, that’s just a catch phrase from Seinfeld, a 1990s comedy series about, well, nothing. You had to be there, I’m told. Yes, well, I was there, and I’m pretty sure I’m one of the few who realizes it wasn’t really funny at all, like I’m one of the good guys in The Matrix, and  –

Matrix. A 1999 sci-fi adventure film. Hey, calm down; there’s plenty that hasn’t changed:

The Cubs still haven’t won a World Series since 1908 or so. Someone named Assad is still running Syria. The fastest land mammal is still the cheetah. A motley crew of idiots still believes the moon landings were faked, and a similar group sees a massive cover-up of events surrounding the Kennedy assassination. The US military is involved in a land war in Asia (sorry, another Princess Bride reference). The Rolling Stones are still touring. And Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead (Oh, you got that one!).

You know, maybe you can actually explain something or two to me, since you were around then: what’s the appeal of bell bottoms?


Written by Thag

April 28, 2010 at 9:00 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , ,

2 Responses

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  1. With bell bottoms your socks don’t have to match.

    David Shaffer

    April 29, 2010 at 2:36 am

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