Mightier Than The Pen

Making The World A Bitter Place

Obscurity: see: Mightier than the Pen

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In case you were wondering, no, I have not selected specific keywords for the meta tags of this page. But let’s consider that idea for several moments, shall we?

All done? Good. Please have a seat over there in the corner, and enjoy a Big Gulp or something. Anything to keep your mouth full will do, though we do recommend against steel wool. We’re running short on that. Yes, the bathroom is just over there, too. No, thank you; you go ahead and finish those 32 fluid ounces of Sprite all by yourself. I’ll just sit here and shake my head sadly.

I used to live and die by the keyword. Within seconds, I could consult the latest keyword research tools and tell you which terms would serve you best if you were trying to establish an online presence relating to, say, cucumber-shaped basketballs, or perhaps a new scent for the interiors of luxury cars, with a hint of herring. I spent hours each day writing content to help specific pages achieve search engine result prominence, and wisely formulating headings, titles and php filenames to get the best SERPs.

Well, no longer. I am content to let this blog wallow in obscurity, though I do concede that wallowing in chocolate would be preferable. Obscurity allows me to engage in literary shenanigans that a writer with greater (read: any) exposure simply could not afford to consider. Could Stephen King get away with – OK, bad example. King could get away with anything at this point. Could Dan Brown – no, wait. Dan Brown is Exhibit A that people will accept all sorts of feces disguised as literature. Say, this position is tougher to rationalize than I thought.

Let’s see, now…ah! Obscurity allows me to ignore the white noise of popularity and focus on my creative efforts, allowing me to develop as a writer, eventually earning recognition as a… as a…

Damn.

OK, I’ll come clean: I willfully neglected any and all semblance of SEO because I remain an unrepentant, lazy pig who has always ridden on the coattails of others, and, if precedent serves as any indication, will nevertheless find success.

They key to that success, of course, lies in redefining the term via shockingly low standards. Once upon a time, literate society confined itself to the upper classes, the educated, and every written word came laden with a shared context of unspoken meaning. At this point, you can deem a success any sentence that contains fewer than three misspelled or misused words.

I blame Obama. Not because I have anything close to a clear grasp of his policies, but because so many prominent people seem to be doing it. Come to think of it, it appears that the vast majority of people blaming Obama for their ills don’t have a clear grasp of his policies, either. So I’m in good company. No, scratch that. I’m probably in very unpleasant company. Excuse me, sir, could I borrow that white hood for a moment? No, that’s fine; I’ll wait till you finish your bottle of Jim Beam. Oh, are both of those your teeth? I commend you, sir. Commend. It’s a good word, a compliment. Compliment – no, not like ketchup; something good about you. Right. Glad we cleared that up.

So as I was saying, I resolve to continue refraining from even the most rudimentary SEO for this blog. You people desperate for my, uh, wit will know where to find me. I’ll be in the corner over there, working on a Big Gulp.

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Written by Thag

April 18, 2010 at 7:04 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , ,

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