And If Your Politics Don’t Jibe, Make Your Own Damn Table

Harry Potter Character	Country/Entity
Harry Potter	Israel
Hermione Granger	United States
Ron Weasley	Canada
Lord Voldemort	Iran
Bellatrix Lestrange	Syria
Crabbe and Goyle	Al Qaeda
Ministry of Magic	United Nations
Draco Malfoy	Venezuela
Peter Pettigrew	Palestinian Authority
Cornelius Fudge	Egypt
Rita Skeeter	Turkey
Dolores Umbridge	Hezbollah
Albus Dumbledore	AIPAC
Lucius Malfoy	J Street
Dobby	Micronesia
Kreacher	Iraq
Vernon Dursley	Saudi Arabia
Severus Snape	Lebanon
Alastor “Mad-Eye” Moody	Likud
Gilderoy Lockhart	European Union
Luna Lovegood	Fiji
The Quibbler	Fox News
The Daily Prophet	The BBC
Fenrir Greyback	Hamas

Powder to the People!

How can a blogger not react to the drama of Hosni Mubarak’s downfall? Can Thag remain obtuse to the revolutionary currents in his very neighborhood? Can he ignore the political and social earthquake occurring in his back yard?

You’re damn skippy he can. Thag loves democracy as much as the next guy, but he’s not the politically active type. Or curious. Or informed. Really, the world is better off if he stays ensconced in his little office, typing away at his little blog and keeping himself out of more trouble. Trust us.

Which is not to say he is unaware of the goings-on over in Cairo; he’s just happy that throngs of other people have been doing the real legwork. It’s cold out there right now. If he were involved, we get the feeling the movement would have become less about Power to the People and more about Powdered Donuts for the People. Or person. Is it just him, or did all those government officials addressing the public look like they could use a couple of scoops of Ben & Jerry’s to pick up their spirits? Bread and Circuses are exactly the kind of thing to keep Thag and his ilk out of the authorities’ hair. Just make sure the bread has poppy seeds or rolled oats on it, and we’re good.

It’s a good thing the Egyptian army has announced it will uphold the treaty with Israel. Thag can just see Israel demanding the Sinai back. Heaven knows there were enough people uprooted from there to make some political noise if push came to media attention shove. So Thag is grateful for that datum; he’d hate to be confused even further by people claiming there’s some historic opportunity to right a wrong that most other people don’t think was wrong – it was really right, and the people who feel wronged were wrong to think they had a right. As you can see, Thag has what to be grateful for; he wishes to convey his appreciation to the Egyptian military, who probably wouldn’t notice. But what the hey, go ahead and pass Thag’s wishes on to them, dear readers. Are they on Facebook?

What did grab Thag’s attention, though, was that Congressman from upstate New York who sent his shirtless likeness to a potential paramour via Craigslist. Yes, he lied about his age; yes, he lied about his occupation; yes, he’s married; yes, he resigned rather abruptly. What strikes Thag as incredible is that said Congressman claimed the shirtless photo was the only one he had available to share with this potential suitor. Is it just Thag, or is that one of the lamest excuses for a come-on this side of, “Was your father a thief?”? What would have been his backup choice, I wonder? “Hey, sorry for this one; my wife has all the other photos and all my shirts are in the laundry she’s doing right now, so I have to snap a photo with my phone right now. Also, I have this spasm in my right side that causes me to flex my biceps and pecs all the time, so that’s not me posing at all, no ma’am.”

You thought Thag disliked politics. You were right, except that occasionally Thag’s snark generator gets wind of the vortex of stupidity emerging from the political realm, and reflexively vomits out its reaction. Ooh, are those powdered donuts?