Co-op Board By-Law Number Two: No Farting

Please note that I provide this information only because you seem to need it so desperately. This is not an exhaustive list, mind you. You may contribute little puffs of inspiration of your own should you feel so moved.

When a Fart Is an Inappropriate Response

1. “Would you like a side dish with that?”
2. “What’s your name, soldier?!”
3. “…and let us say, ‘Amen’.”
4. “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”
5. “License and registration, please.”
6. “You have my deepest condolences.”
7. “…and do you, George, take this woman to be your lawful, wedded wife?”
8. “…and the Oscar goes to…”
9. “Lights…camera…action!”
10. “On your marks…get set…go!”
11. “Now be very careful as I light the blowtorch.”
12. “What a lovely dress.”
13. “Sleep tight, dear.”
14. “Let us relax and feel the energy flowing through us…take a deeeep breath through your nose…”
15. “Everyone say, ‘Cheese’!”